feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
