Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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