I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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