I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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