Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
