we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
