we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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