fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
