this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
