The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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