When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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