sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
