I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
