Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
