The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
