he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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