It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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