You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
