So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
