oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
