I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
