By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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