I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
