How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
