i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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