dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
