Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
