Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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