I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
