I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
