proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
