You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
two words...techno handjob
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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