what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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