oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
