Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
