is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
