Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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