Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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