I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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