U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
