He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
