My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
