Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
