It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
