Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's great music for shaving your balls
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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