Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
