Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
