hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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