When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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