He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
