I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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