you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
