those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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