My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
