I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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