I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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