I wish my penis had an off switch
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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