She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
