Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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