Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
