Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
