I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
