dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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