Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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