You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
