there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
