the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
