She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
