just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
