yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
